May the odds be ever in your favor

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Sat, 15 Jun 2013 01:32:59 -0400

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Sat, 15 Jun 2013 01:32:27 -0400

sluttyoliveoil: imagine if it was morning and the birds were chirping and you went outside and they...

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 01:31:34 -0400

imagine if it was morning and the birds were chirping and you went outside and they all got silent and looked at you like they were just talking about you

the-vashta-nerada: i’ve got some kind of allergic reaction going on and my face is breaking out in...

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 01:29:42 -0400

the-vashta-nerada:

i’ve got some kind of allergic reaction going on and my face is breaking out in a bad rash and my mom is freaking out and wants to take me to the ER and my dad was like “let’s not make any rash decisions” and we high fived and now my mom is yelling at us

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Sat, 15 Jun 2013 01:29:24 -0400

sidnugget: like a month ago this lady came into my health class and talked about internet safety...

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 01:29:18 -0400

sidnugget:

like a month ago this lady came into my health class and talked about internet safety and she said the government has access to all of our snapchats we send and i was really happy because the government owns probably over 500 pictures of my double chin i dont know what else she said because i fell asleep

bondoge: why do i still have to go to school i thought slavery was abolished in 1865

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 01:27:43 -0400

bondoge:

why do i still have to go to school i thought slavery was abolished in 1865

vodkacupcakes: OHMYGOD HE HAS A RETAINER THAT IS SO ADORABLE

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 01:27:33 -0400

vodkacupcakes:

OHMYGOD HE HAS A RETAINER THAT IS SO ADORABLE

shotasprite: rainbowrunt: homuracide: in 4th grade my friend and i did an experiment for science...

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 01:26:03 -0400

shotasprite:

rainbowrunt:

homuracide:

in 4th grade my friend and i did an experiment for science class and we wanted to see how different kinds of music affected fish so we bought a fish and put it in a bowl and then we started playing screamo and the fish DIED

i laUGHED AT THIS FOR 3 HOURS

did you put water in the bowl

4gifs: Star Wars elevator prank [video]

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 01:25:41 -0400

4gifs:

Star Wars elevator prank [video]

the-absolute-best-posts: youwinagainmoffat: He is the fucking...

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 01:25:22 -0400

the-absolute-best-posts:

youwinagainmoffat:

He is the fucking best

vardaesque: saevuswinds: vardaesque: you don’t understand i...

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 01:24:56 -0400

vardaesque:

saevuswinds:

vardaesque:

you don’t understand i would sell my firstborn to know how this story started

Well it all started when Mrs. Hayfer wanted me to babysit her dumb house. When I got the keys, I sat them on top of this pie that I found on the counter. I knew it was going to be given to the family for desert if I didn’t eat it soon, so I was going to plan to eat it in my teacher’s house and dump all the crumbs on her bed. So it’s a win-win, right? Besides, she wouldn’t find out about the crumbs until after I was paid, and this teacher hates me anyway. Then, I got distracted when this hot cheerleader calls me, asking about what movie I’d recommend, but before I could answer, I realize that my mom would be there any second to serve dinner, and there was no way I was sharing that pie. So I bust out of there with the pie and the keys, and the moment I get in the house, I start chowing down on the pie with my bare hands, trying to eat this thing before anyone knows I took it, right? Well, since the pie crust was dry, I chugged a 2-liter bottle of soda whenever my throat would get dry and eventually, I really needed “to go.” Only when I went to flush, the water wouldn’t stop flowing and there was no plunger to be found. Usually I’d just shrug and say it was Josh’s fault or something, but let’s get real here, Mrs. Hayfer would’ve blamed me about her toilet overflowing if I was 30 states away. So I jammed my foot in there, hoping it’d make the toilet stop flushing. Then my phone rings, and I knew it was my mom, asking where her pie went, and because Meghan decided it’d be a great idea to make my ring tone a bunch of cats meowing, Mrs. Hayfer’s dog, Tiberius starts freaking out, bashing into the door over and over again. Now anyone who knows this dog knows that this dog will happily eat anything, and that includes the pie, and probably myself. So my foot’s totally stuck in there right, I’m freaking out and I still got half a pie left.

BLESS YOU

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Sat, 15 Jun 2013 01:23:00 -0400

deodrant: omfg

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 01:21:42 -0400

deodrant:

omfg

4ngelo: theodorepython: miami-tea: The Defibrillator...

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 01:20:15 -0400

4ngelo:

theodorepython:

miami-tea:

The Defibrillator Toaster

My mom would be so annoyed… every morning I would run into the kitchen screaming “WE’RE LOSING THEM!!! BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP!”

“DON’T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMNIT!!! NURSE, WE NEED 12 CC’S OF CREAM CHEESE, STAT!!!”

He’s bread, Jim.

Time of deliciousness: 7:15 A.M

If we don’t restart his heart , he’s toast!

JESUS CRUST.

JAM IT!

“Daddy’s in a butter place now, kids.”

I WASN’T EVEN GOING TO REBLOG UNTIL I SAW THE SHIT TON OF PUNS

HES BREAD JIM

JESUS CRUST

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Sat, 15 Jun 2013 01:14:35 -0400

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Sat, 15 Jun 2013 01:14:05 -0400

cybercitrus: People that think they are going to be magically independent when they become 18.

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 01:13:49 -0400

cybercitrus:

People that think they are going to be magically independent when they become 18.

despicable-me: Bob the Maid Download

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 01:13:09 -0400

despicable-me:

Bob the Maid

Download

when you're reading a book and you spot a typo

Sun, 09 Jun 2013 13:30:12 -0400

laugh-addict: